 I see myself as a very strong women, and I’m sure if you speak to any of my clients or family, they will say the same. But on the 13th of October this year, my little Angelee was born, and that was when I met my match! The little gemstone that crushed me.
It started even before I had her. Trying to conceive and make sure that it would be a little girl, as we already have 2 boys, was not a walk in the park. I had to change my diet to eat totally the opposite from what I normally eat to make sure that my bodies PH was acidic, as the male sperm does not flourish in acidity and therefore a better chance of being killed off and the girly sperm to get a chance to get to the egg.
Now acidity in general is not a good state for your body to be in. It causes gout, which I then suffered from for the first time in my life. Also when it comes to training and recovery from training when your body is acidic, it is very painful to train as your joints are very stiff and one just doesn’t recover from training at all. But I was determined to have a girl, so I stuck it through. It would be a small sacrifice to pay to have my little angel that I‘ve been wanting now so badly for the last 3 years.
Then we also had to make sure that our timing was right, so not just ph levels that make a huge difference, it’s also timing for the different sexes. Girls you have to try on day 9 to maximum day 13 (so day 1 is the first day of your period and you count from there onwards).
So we started on day 9 in the first month, then day 10 in the second month till in the 5th month I said to my husband if I don’t take now, then we will call it a day as we then are moving into the boy-zone and I didn’t want to take that chance. Luckily on my birthday in February, we were blessed to find out that I am pregnant and on our 22nd week scan the doctor confirmed that it was a little girl. We were ecstatic !!! Obviously to conceive the 2 boys, was a lot easier.
 Then the next phase of surprises started. Three weeks before my due date, I had to go into hospital twice with false labor pains. Seven hours of proper labor contractions / pains, is no joke, and then with no “baba” to show for all of that, I was devastated. All I could do was take the medication the doctor gave me to take it away and lie in a warm bath and pray for the pain to stop.
Two days before her due date we went in for my last checkup with the gynecologist and he confirmed that I was four centimeters dilated and we could go ahead and break my water to get the proses going, as was with both my boys. The only huge difference was, I was three days over my due date with both my boys, where now I was two days early. Not thinking much of it, as my gynie said all is fine to go ahead, we went ahead with the procedure. My contractions started coming on nicely, then all of a sudden the inevitable happened, they started fading.
Now because I gave natural birth to both my boys without any painkillers, I had planned on doing the same with my little girl, which would have been fine if the doctor did not have to give me oxytosin to bring on the labor, as no one told me that oxytosen makes the labor pains ten time worse than they already are.
Ones I realized I was not going to make it with this excruciating pain, it was too late. The doctor had left and I was left trying to deal with the pain that I would not even wish upon my worst enemy. I thought I was going to die there on the labor bed and for the first time in my life I was actually going to give up. . . And I have never given up on anything I have set my mind on doing.
At one stage I remember during all the screaming I was doing, I managed to get just enough energy to ask God to help me and give me strength to carry on, as for the first time in my life, I was going to give up on something I started, and not follow it through, which would have cost my little Angelee’s life.
When I finally managed to push her out, the first glimpse I got of my new born was this blue, lifeless little thing just lying there on the table below me. I thought she was dead, as my sons showed so much life when they came out, and this one just showed nothing. Wearied that her name means “wary angle” as that is exactly what she was portraying.
I was devastated. After so much pain to now still give birth to a still born baby. . . I was crushed!
Though the nurse was panicking, the doctors reassuring words rung through my head, “ Her heart is beatting, she will be fine”. And after what felt like forever, she gave her first little scream and took her first breath. It was all over, so I thought.
 Then the games began. I had cut out the dairy in my diet, as I did with my boys, as I knew that it can cause colic, and I was breast feeding, but she just kept on screaming till her little voice was gone and I had lost my sanity. After seven years of being out of the baby / pajamas drill, things had changed in respect to what babies are now also allergic to. We did some research and realized that the wheat is now also causing a problem, as so dose gelatin and red food coloring that we find in food stuff such as Vienna’s, sweets, jelly etc etc, so I had to make sure I cut all of those out my diet a.s.a.p. This we only found out on day 7, and by that time I was crushed once again.
Now as I’m writing this article, we are on day 10 in her little life and things are getting much better. As long as I am extremely strict with what I’m eating, she is doing fine. A small sacrifice once again to keep our sanity.
Through all of this I had to ask God why He always has to give me such tough times when it comes to lessons having been learnt in life, and the answer is simple, if we do not go through these trials, we won’t learn. And these lessons are learnt to help others not make the same mistakes and to also inspire others to not give up that easy. We are capable of AYTHING through Christ that strengthens us.
Diamonds don’t come out all shinny. They have to be grind and polished from all angles to get them to shine eventually, and I’ve been given my little gemstone that has started grinding me again to shine, and hopefully Angelee and I will shine together in the future, once more.
Love
Bernie |
